Stay High

14 02 2016

mc5I wrote “stay high” in one of my stoner girlfriends’ yearbooks in my Jr. year of high school. And she left her yearbook behind in class one day and the teacher opened it and started reading the comments.  So dude called my parents and said we needed to do a drug intervention with me, just because I told her to stay high.

I didn’t do drugs like those chicks.  They were way more mature and older than me.  I started school a year earlier than I should have so I was always with older kids in the same class and I witnessed things earlier than I should have.

They would come to school on Monday, after the weekend talking about taking LSD and Cocaine and having sex with their older boyfriends.  I just listened and let it roll off my back because I knew I was way too young for that business.  But they liked me a lot so they would travail me with these stories of slutty-hood and debauchery.

So I knew they liked to party and they were my friends in school so I wrote, “stay high” in her yearbook and the adults all freaked out on me.  And her too, but she laughed it off because her parents allowed her these luxuries.

But not mine, and not that I would have wanted to do that stuff at such a young age, I wouldn’t have.  They would tell me that I needed to take LSD with them and then they would “take advantage” of me in the bedroom.

Sounds about what every high school boy dreams of, it actually happened to me but I just put it out of my mind because I knew I was going on a mission for Jesus Christ when I was 19 and I had to remain pure as I could.  But I smoked a lot of weed, and drank alcohol and made out with a lot of chicks…I just never went all the way like those crazy chicas wanted me too.

And after the discovery of “stay high” in the yearbook, I was grounded for two months by my parents.  Man, that sucked.  I got grounded a lot, and for long times too because I did some stuff I should not have done, but it was never as severe as my parents imagined, and during lecture time I never said anything, just listened to them tell me what kind of trouble I was getting into for coming home smelling like smoke.

Man, I must have driven my parents nuts in my latter high school years.  They have no idea I was merely the celibate stoner.  I just liked my brain escape from the harshness of home, but I wasn’t out womanizing or anything like my other buddies were.





Cure For Depression In The Year 2015

19 06 2015

Put down, get away from, or unplug whatever screen has your attention and go create something of beauty, anything, but do it without your electronic device.

Cook a meal from scratch out of our imagination, make something new.

Draw a picture of yourself, then do it again.

Get out of the slavery and bondage of the Internet!

It is a web that is catching its prey.

The World Wide Web.

always watching

always watching

And it has caught humanity as its victim and they don’t even realize it.





My Art, My Mind

30 04 2011

Here are a few more drawings I have from years gone by.  I have debated whether or not to share them but I decided it’s a good idea.

You can click the images for larger views.

This one I did while living in Seattle in the spring of 1992.  I was a young man and somewhat of a rebel.  I’m much smarter, or maybe just wiser these days.

...it's a lie

This one is exactly as titled.  After going through my teens and getting into my mid twenties I was forced to confront a huge inferiority complex and admit to myself that I was insecure and scared of the world.  I was an actor playing a role of confidence and seeking thrills to mask the fear, seeking chills to mask the pain.

...get yours today!

just fine, thanks!





The Beatles are on iTunes!

10 12 2010

The  Beatles seem to make a come back every so often, and iTunes is this generation’s Beatles comeback.  So I decided to reprise the Beatles and rediscover them for the umpteenth time for this blog post.  The Beatles made an impact on my life when I was a child.  I don’t remember all the details but I do remember the way-out disconnectedness and psychedelia that sent my mind to unfamiliar places and even gave me nightmares with the experimental, boundary breaking A Day In The  Life.  That  song freaked me out and I loved it!

Strawberry fields, nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about.  That’s what the Beatles are telling me right now.  They say it’s hard to be someone when you misunderstand what you see.  And in the Blue Jay Way they say, ‘Please don’t be long, please don’t you be very long.  Or I may be asleep’ over and over again but what I heard them saying to me as the song builds is ‘Please don’t belong’.  The Timothy Leary message comes through loud and clear.  LSD is a powerful drug and when used in making music the trip can certainly be sent through to the listener, especially when the listener is tripping too.  Those boys were tricky, but I don’t think they quite meant to do everything they did, they were just messing around.

When you set out to send a message to the masses you have to know that you’re actually going to get to some of them, and some minds will be blown.  And when you blow minds, you’re no longer just another person; you’re an icon for breaking some new ground.  The Beatles surely blew minds, and people followed them like lemmings, putting meaning to the artists’ lyrics and music wherever they would fit conveniently into their lives to provide a sense of belonging to the movement.  Charlie Manson and company unfortunately used Helter Skelter and Piggies as marching orders for their madness.  Would Charlie’s death guild have come to pass if the Beatles had not recorded those tracks?  It’s a question to be asked, but impossible to answer correctly.

The Beatles were victims themselves to the LSD trap, and that screwed them.  Sure it opened windows to new ideas and broke them free from the sappy love songs that brought them pop stardom and helped propel them to greater heights, but just like every burnout hippie, they found out that LSD takes you down mysterious and tricky paths that all lead to dead ends.  No mortal is powerful enough to tame that beast, but while they were there, they wired it for sound with the technology of the time and gave us The Magical Mystery Tour.

The introspection of the trips and the way they turned their insights back on one another changed the pop hit makers into studio trippers experimenting with sound pushing the evolution of music to new extremes.  By the time they recorded Abbey Road and Let it Be, they were done, grizzled old men ready to walk away from it all, but at that same time they were perfectly ripe with brilliance and genius dripping from their finger tips and with the new sound it was just too much and too good to be able  to carry on.

If only they could have come together and kept it together for a few more albums with the new studio and let John be John and Yoko and let the Beatles evolve we would have surely had some majestically mature Beatles recordings with the wisdom of experience, but all of that energy was too much to handle and it pulled them apart.  And when it came apart we got Paul McCartney, the solo artist.  If only John Lennon were still around to keep him in check.  John’s tormented soul was rock and roll; Paul was just a song writer who smoked pot.  Wings was OK and rocked a little bit but that was in the 70s so he got away with it.  Much of music in the 70s sucked, especially in the early 70s.  And Paul was there, sucking at the forefront.

It would be nice if the kids today could understand, if it were possible, what the Beatles did for music, to kick rock and roll up a notch or two and completely tweak all possibilities.  Listen to ‘Rock and Roll Music’ then ‘I’ll Follow the Sun’ followed up with ‘Mr. Moonlight’.  Sure, they took the lead from artists like Chuck Berry and Little Richard, but they brought their own irreverent rock and roll attitudes to us and even did their own weird brand of children’s music at times.  And they took it to the studio and, for the first time, recorded more than four tracks, they threw in recordings from home, playing them backwards and inside-out, creating layers that had never been thought of before, they even used synthesizers, and that broke open a new psychedelic music explosion that flipped the early 70s on its head and completely changed the direction music would take.  Everything was on tape in those days; digital was not a word at that time.  Check out ‘Revolution 9’.  They actually had to work to get it right.  And they did things like the intro to ‘Honey Pie’.

The Beatles were pop music and happy good times but that turned dark and twisted, they were tripped out, sometimes they wrote for children like with Yellow Submarine but then that  listening child was sent on a trip to new discoveries with ‘Hey Bulldog’ and ‘It’s All Too Much’ and then were brought back to that happy, safe place with ‘All You Need Is Love’ and ‘Pepperland’.  They connected to everyone on some level because they worked to create music as art and not just to write love songs and make hits.  They showed us that we can do whatever we want to do when it comes to creating music, because it’s what we feel.  Just listen to ‘Dig a Pony’, ‘I Me Mine’ or ‘For You Blue’.  If we can express it through our instruments and then lay it down in some sort of order, track after track with our technology, we must thank the Beatles for what they did before we came around.

(image altered and used without permission)





All Amazed!

28 07 2010

I’ve been to hell and back. I’m so grateful for every little thing right now. It seems that my whole life I have lived with some sort of anxiety engine running in my chest producing worry and doubt to constantly sabotage any chance of lasting success or happiness. It’s gone.

Where did it go? What happened? How is it possible that this negative force that has kept me so enslaved to worry and fear can just be gone from my life? It didn’t just go away, it was a process. It was agonizing and painful and it was the most intense soul searching self discovery that can be imagined. But for any great triumph to take place there must be trials, obstacles and great opposition to overcome. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it cost me my life.

There will be more detailed expositions of my story in other forms but for now I’ll keep it short.

Anger will destroy a man quicker than a bullet to the brain. I let the bitterness and anger of the divorce experience overcome me and drag me down with chains into the despair of hell. I was hopeless and suicidal and had abandoned all regard for myself and what I cared about. The only reason I did not take my own life is because I have children that I could not give that experience to.

[BRUTAL HONESTY AHEAD]

I found myself completely alone in a dark and dreary world void of purpose or direction. I sought comfort from things that only satisfied immediate desires. Nothing lasted. Nothing mattered. Nothing was real anymore. I existed as a persona on the Internet and as a shell of what I once was in the business world. I could barely muster up enough energy to get through a day at the office and would rarely give any sort of effort other than just to get through the next thirty seconds. I lived like this for well over a year. It was dank, dark and a scary time although while I was going through it I told myself I had a grip on things and that I was doing OK.

I was addicted to drugs. Dextromethorphan was the queen mother of them all. Marijuana and alcohol were frequent companions and occasionally mushrooms, cocaine or LSD to send things into overdrive. All of these things were done in combination, of course to maximize the effects and to disassociate myself to the ultimate degree from the bitter lonliness that stirred in my angry and broken heart.

Deep down we all need something greater than ourselves to identify with. Even if we are unaware of our yearnings or that we are searching, and grasping, we are making connections. Music is something I have always found consolation in. It provides me with a connection beyond myself, a connection with the vibrations that are up there and out there.

Now I’m starting to sound like a spaced out fruit cake, but that’s what music is. Music and sound are vibrations that resonate with the powers that control our world and the universe and everything that exists. Music has a powerful effect on everything around us and most especially, music has an effect on what goes on within us.

Below are the lyrics to an amazing and beautiful song by an artist named John Frusciante. This song relates much of what I feel.

I’ve got a million to choose from
A million ways things could be
In dull moments I feel like
There’s a million options I see
The trouble is choosing one
The trouble is doing one
A slave in the fields one night
He’s running along
Gets far enough to be a free man
And he’s feeling so strong
That’s how actions should be
Freeing
Step after step is our only choice in a walk
When we run at the mouth we jump back and forth
There’s only one place I’m going
There’s only one destiny
And if my mind tells me otherwise
Then it’s a poor guide for me
All of the energy in life
Is nothing more than a spark in a fire
The whole course of time is the blink of an eye
Rain in the slums
Ah Yom
Into the cards
Ahm Yum
Rain in the slums
Ah Yom
Into another world
Ahm Yum

…to be continued //





Addicts turn to AIDS medication to get high

2 07 2008

There are a lot of screwed up places on this big ol’ crazy planet of ours but nothing is as nuts as the continent of Africa. What is wrong with those people?? They can’t govern for shit, they’re killing each other over diamonds, drugs, and who knows what other ethno-religious reason they come up with. It seems like they’ll do anything to fuck up their lives. What a paradox. The most amazing natural beauty on the planet and the most barbaric chaos known to mankind.

I found this article at Breitbart.com. People are completely out of their minds!

Reposted from Breitbart.com

2 01:07 PM US/Eastern

South African AIDS patients in Durban are under siege from drug addicts who rob them of their antiretroviral treatment to get high, the provincial health department said Wednesday.

The life prolonging drug Stocrin, one of the antiretroviral drugs used to fight AIDS, is reportedly crushed and mixed with marijuana and sold in the townships around the coastal city.

The health department has warned that the trend could spark shortages in the city’s hospitals and health centres, in one of the provinces worst afflicted by the AIDS pandemic.

“This practice is disturbing, a large number of HIV patients depend on the state sponsored treatment to stay healthy,” spokesman Leon Mbangwa told AFP.

The department dismissed media reports that health workers at certain hospitals were involved in selling HIV drugs to criminal rings, who then target patients when nurses cannot keep up with the demand.

“All medication is kept in the hospital pharmacy and only certain levels of nurses have access to it,” said Mbangwa.

Patients collecting medication at the Prince Mshiyeni Memorial Hospital in Umlazi, south of Durban have complained of being ambushed by criminals on their way home.

Others have had their home ransacked by thugs looking for the lifesaving drugs.

“The concoction of Stocrin and dagga (marijuana) is very dangerous and eventually leads to death. The drug mixture breaks down the immune system and reduces the resistance of the body,” said Anwar Jeewa, director of the Minds Alive rehabilitation centre.

South Africa has the highest number of HIV sufferers in the world with around 5.5 million of the 47 million population affected by the virus, and the world’s biggest ARV programme with more than 478,000 people registered for treatment.








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