Why I Went To Rehab And Then Did Not

19 03 2014

duckbottleSo I’ve struggled with something they call addiction most of my life.  It’s a monkey I carry around with me and sometimes having a monkey around isn’t really all that bad.  Monkeys can be a lot of fun but they’re mischievous little buggers.  You just have to make sure to keep grinding the Organ to keep them happy and feed them peanuts once in a while.

And I got tired of feeding the monkey, taming that  little bastard and keeping him at bay.

Click here to see how I felt –> Wiped Out!

So, I decided that after a seven year binge of escapism and figuring out what this crazy world is all about, what it all means, where I fit in and where I need to go to take my place in the Plan, I decided to clean up and go to rehab.

I went to rehab because I was done checking out of reality.  I checked out because of the unimaginable pain that I went through having had my family taken from me, and then making some mistakes because of my fragile emotional state, with Erica, falling so in love with such a beautiful woman, such a lovely person.  I will never stop loving her.  She is incredible and taught me so much about myself and about life and gave me Max; that precious angel from heaven.

But she has moved on and she and Max are being well taken care of, and I am so blessed to know, to have the comfort that all is well with them.  Because I was beaten down and broken and tossed out with the trash when I found myself in need.  But those who did it to me didn’t know what they were doing.  They didn’t understand where I was coming from or who I was or what my true potential was.

This life sometimes plays out as a fantasy, and so many people imagine their future dreams as nothing more than unachievable fantasies and then they accept the shortcomings and mediocrity they are given as a consequence of their lack of faith and perseverance.

And I don’t say that because I think people are weak or bad or that they don’t have integrity or that their worth is not great.  It’s just that so many of us have such big dreams, but we are beaten down by the distractions of this world that we forget about our big dreams, so we live our broken dreams and accept the little pieces we can pick up as we move on, living in hindsight, trying to somehow relive the past by projecting it on the future and in so doing we often times find ourselves on a course we didn’t mean to embark upon.

But there we are, so we walk that course, and are somewhat lost, but accept the mediocrity we have created having not achieved our broken dreams.

But not me.  And I went to rehab to prove to everyone that I was, once and for all, done with the bullcrap.

But I chose a particular rehab center called Renaissance Ranch in Utah County.  This rehab purports to be associated with the LDS church.  And I’ve been to the LDS church’s Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) and I’ve also been to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).  I hate AA because it’s nothing more than a bunch of alcoholics who have quit drinking but can’t shake the monkey of addiction so they have replaced their alcohol and drug abuse with those meetings, and in the meetings they tell war stories of their battles when they were out their using and abusing.  And each story is nothing more than a glory-days walk through the past to remember how horrible and debaucherous their lives once were.

That’s not recovery, that’s living in the past.

So when I was sold this $16,000, 60 day Renaissance Ranch package it sounded like a great alternative to Alcoholics Anonymous oriented drug and alcohol rehabilitation.  I thought we would have access to doctors and counselors; professionals who understood where we were coming from and where we were headed, who understood that we needed healing, real healing and not a band-aid approach to pacifying the monkey, rather killing the monkey and getting rid of him for good.

And they said they did it all under the guise of LDS principles, using the healing of the Atonement of Christ and following the teachings of the gospel.

But when I got there it was nothing like that.  It was a bunch of petulant young guys who were full of anger and who did nothing more than point their fingers at each other, call each other out for the things they found wrong with one another, and then turned on themselves to tell the group why they were so screwed up.  There was no talk of healing, there was no talk of the principles of the Atonement of Christ.  Once in a while there would be a prayer and once in a while one of the counselors might refer to the scriptures for reference to a teaching.  But there was nothing close to feeling the Holy Spirit in that place.  It was cold and dank, void of the spirit, void of love.  It was full of ego and self importance, full of a bunch of guys who thought they had all the answers for everyone else but no answers for how to manage their own personal selves.

So after three days, in a group meeting after they called me out one time too many I finally opened up and told them that the whole thing was a sham.  That I was sick of the vulgarity, sick of not hearing any gospel teachings as I was sold on, sick of hearing everyone point fingers at each other and sick of these people not having a freaking clue what it takes to truly heal a broken soul.

Band-aid approaches, and you know why?  It’s a bunch of owners and administrators who are self-righteous know-it-alls using their memberships in the LDS church to attract LDS people who have addiction problems to make money under the guise of addiction recovery.  And they’re a bunch of charlatans, just like our doctors, our pill pushing pharmaceutical industry, our politicians, it’s all a ploy to line their pockets, to support their families and while they do some good, their hearts are in it only for themselves and not for the individuals.  They claim to love the individuals and while they may show care toward them, they don’t really.  They just want them to be part of the flock of sheep, part of the group, to fit the marching orders of the category in which they are classified.

And I don’t put up with that crap so I split.  And my family is livid with me.  But I have to do what I have to do because I know what I’m doing and I always have and I’m sick to death of being told what I should be doing and how I should be doing it because those who tell me those things are the ones who have mocked me, put me down, picked on me and treated me like I don’t matter when they have no understanding of the great things I do that they never ever see or care to know about.

And I’m not angry, I’m just fed up.  Like when Christ cleansed the temple.  He wasn’t angry, he was just done with all the nonsense and petulance and did what He had to do because His Father told him to.

I’m Vaughn Hocksworth Brown and I approve this message.

Let’s Rock

18 03 2014

I like Youtube.  It gives me a lot of good information and also I can watch excellence happen.  So Here’s something I think is very cool.

Watch Chris Rock induct the Red Hot Chili Peppers into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, then watch the RHCP video Hump de Bump, then watch the Chili Peppers play after their induction with everyone on stage.  And then watch Flea induct Metallica into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Chili Peppers Rule!Image

It Is Time To Take A Stand. Where Do You Stand?

17 03 2014

This country is under siege and it’s time to take it back. No more time to mess around.

Civil War is upon us. It is a war for our minds, bodies and spirits and is as real as our first Civil War and the cost is even greater this time!

It’s time for those of us with the integrity, the strength, the fortitude and the balls to stand up and make a difference or we are lost as a sovereign nation, sold out to the special interests of the Global Elite. I will fight with my very life to see that this does not happen.

This blog is my online voice. I challenge any and all of you who want to put up and do more than just speak words but come to action.

This is your call to duty.  I am calling everyone out.  Who am I?  I am an American who cares and who is giving the rest of my life to fight for the cause of freedom.

America is dying and we, The People are the last bastion of hope in the last bastion of Freedom and Liberty this world has and will ever know.

The rest of the world is sold out, its foundation has crumbled and is decaying from the cancerous tumors of Socialist, Communist ideology. The economies of the world are dead and in the hands of the power elites. Obama, Putin, China, Iran and the corporate, wealthy, power elites, controlling the Shadow Governments of the world are now in charge.

We The People must stand up with our very lives or our very lives and liberties will be sold out and our children with have NOTHING.

Is that what we want for our future generations? If we do nothing but sit idly by and allow Hillary Clinton and the Obama Administration to continue to usurp power and our liberties, we are at fault for the crisis that befalls our precious children. The sin is on our heads. I will not allow that to happen. Don’t you allow it to happen either. Standing back and saying you have no voice and no power is a lie and an excuse to let hell come in and destroy light, liberty and life.

We can not sit idly by and give up believing that Christ will come swooping in to save us.  We are HIS to stand up and prepare HIS way.  If we do nothing, he can do nothing for us.

Many are called but few are chosen.  And why are they not chosen?  Because of all I have said above and because they have their heads down to the ground worrying about their finances, their mortgages, their credit problems, their retirements and their luxuries, looking to the day they can relax and stop working.  Well life does not stop just because we want to relax.  We have been called, do not allow yourself to be overlooked and fail to be chosen because we all have a purpose until the very last day of our very last breath.

Stand up, your God given life, the breath you breathe and the intelligence that flows in your bloodstream was divinely given to you, to live on earth at this time, to serve a greater purpose, a purpose far greater than juggling your finances and making sure your beautiful yard is greener than that of your neighbors.

Your recreation and your vacations and your luxuries and your precious electronic devices will decay with your freedoms if you do nothing but sit back and watch. It is on YOUR heads for doing nothing

Do not be part of the problem. BE the solution. DO NOT be one of Marx’s useful idiots as the cancer of Socialism and Communism and any other ‘ism’ is allowed to destroy goodness, innocence, morality, character, virtue, common sense, natural law and a reverence for the very God who gives us the privilege to draw breath every day, to serve Him and our Master Jesus Christ, not to serve ourselves but to serve others, according to the first and second great commandments.

It is time to rise, to stand up for the cause of Liberty or lose it forever.

Join Me!!!


14 03 2014

The members of OFF! outside their studio, during a break in the making of their newest album. Left to right: singer Keith Morris, bassist Steven McDonald, drummer Mario Rubalcaba and guitarist Dimitri Coats.This band called Off! is my new favorite!!  I heard of them from Anthony Keidis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Wow, love them, and it’s no wonder I love Anthony and his vibe so much.  He wore a ball cap the whole I’m With You tour that says Off! to give them his personal shout out.  How kickass is that??!!

The band is fronted by Keith Morris, original front man of the punk band Black Flag and founder of the Circle Jerks.  He also had another band called Midget Handjob, which is my new all time favorite band name after The Butthole Surfers.  I that that name would never be trumped but Keith in his Punk Rock Jesus wisdom obviously knows better.

Check out Off!  If you’re a fan of real, true balls to the wall punk rock and really understand what it’s about you’ll love it.  If you’re offended then you don’t understand punk and you probably should just go away.

Check them out here –> Off!

Cops Shooting Elderly People With Canes Because They Got Out Of Their Car — America Is Under Siege!

14 03 2014

Hey all you people who want to call me an asshole for saying this cop was wrong.  He was wrong 100% and it’s all HIS fault.  If you don’t like that truth you can eat me.

Having cops like this on our streets is a bigger problem than the crime we have going on in the inner cities of America. I don’t give a shit that the cop felt bad and the he cried. For goodness sake, that old dude is tough as nails and got up and said he was OK, that’s what happened sure. Big deal. And now we’re all running to the defense of the cop. This mother f***er should be suspended indefinitely and sent back to school.

The police in the country are out of control. If you don’t understand that to be the truth then you sit in your comfort zones listening to the media filling you full of your pablum and need to understand what is happening in the streets and with the rampant out of control dominion of authority given to young dipshits with a badge, a gun and a muscle car with a computer and Internet access.

These cops today are angry children with attitudes, policing a grown up world and need to back the fuck down and let the citizens tell THEM how shit works.  And if they don’t there’s going to be civil war.

America is going to the pussified wastoids of the nation and it’s being supported by spineless pacifists who are too afraid to offend someone who is so stupid they shot an old man with a cane because he got out of his car to see why he was being pulled over.

Our cops are terrorists and they are ruling our streets and putting fear into good people and it’s people like me who are sick of it all and who are done taking their shit.  The system is broken and it begins with the corruption of authority, goes into the jails, the court systems, the glad-handing in the back rooms with the public attorneys, corrupt judicial officials and local legislative politicians in it for power and status and they all need to be brought up on charges for the chaos they are creating in the nations communities.

New Year, New Direction, New Blog

14 03 2014

My blog is taking a new direction.  I’m no longer censoring myself.  This will become grown up.  This world is a world of harsh realities and it’s no longer safe to sit back and pacify the innocent.  We need to enable them with truth, strength, grit and a constitution that can stand in the face of coming adversity.  This world is in turmoil and it’s on a course of destruction.  It’s time for the good people of this world to rise up and fight the evils that are working behind the scenes to destroy every semblance of recognizable beauty and replace it with facades of decaying, cancerous, hellish fantasy for their own twisted pleasures and the building of their shadowed power structure.

Fasten your seat belts.  Shit is about to get bumpy.

It’s all about service to others

11 03 2014

Well, it’s pretty much all said and done now.  All we can do is sit back and watch it unfold.  In my previous posts I predicted, theorized really, misinterpreted is what I think I did…section 88 of the Doctrine & Covenants.  When I said that the half an hour of silence in heaven could be around 20 years, meaning that Christ would return in 2034, 2000 years after His resurrection…I thought I was pretty clever.  But I don’t believe that anymore.

I think it’s coming sooner than that.  I’m not going to lay any predictions down but I know what I believe and I’m happy and ready and living my life exactly the way I need to be.

I want to share with anyone who reads this, something that is very sacred to me.  My relationship with my Heavenly Father.  It’s not some fairy tale relationship, some imaginary God who sits on yonder throne in His majesty while I beg for mercy at His feet.  He is a personal God, a loving Heavenly Father who makes Himself manifest to me in personal ways, and has been doing so over the past several years and I didn’t even realize it.

I have always been taught that anything that is good comes from God and anything that is evil comes from the devil.  And that those things that prompt you to do good are of God and those things that prompt you to sin are of the adversary.  It really is simple if you understand it in those terms.  It’s really easy to discern even if you’re making mistakes in your life.

Too often we feel we are unworthy to receive guidance from the Holy Spirit because we have sinned.  Nonsense!  We always make mistakes.  The only reason the Holy Spirit would be gone for good is if we were outrightly rebelling, openly against God.  And we’re not doing that.  We’re just trying to get through life and we give in to our passions, our desires, our emotions and then we feel guilt or fear or shame and we allow those negative things to plague our happiness.

Those are the tools of the adversary!  Don’t beat yourself up because you made a mistake.  Just quit making mistakes.  Recognize them, move forward.  If you have a bad habit, trust that the Lord understands the habit even better than you do, and in your justification of that habit, he really does understand how you feel and why you choose what you choose and He allows it.  And if you want to be free of those habits, He will guide you in your release of them.  If you want to hold on to them, He will continue to love you and bless you in all the other areas of your life.

All that, and let everyone else be who they are, to make their own mistakes, just be there for them when they need help.  Regardless of how you feel, do what is right.  That’s how it works.  Any other way, it doesn’t work…and how long have we been watching things not work?

I’m starting to ramble…but I just want to change directions with my blog.  The politics served a purpose to get the truth out there but the damage is done.  It’s time for healing and preparation for Christ’s return.

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