Finding direction

2 05 2010

For quite some time now I have believed I knew what I was doing, where I was headed and what I wanted. The truth is that I had a head full of thoughts influenced by, let’s say false sources.

I chose to be angry and resentful at what life has given me. When I started down that path it made sense to me and I believed I was right. I believed it so strongly that I began to hurt people in my life. I certainly lashed out at those who I believed had wronged me. Whether they did or not really doesn’t matter. The truth is that we ALL make choices and we all have our trials to bear and more importantly; we ALL make mistakes. What I mean by that is, we are all walking our own paths and I have to allow people to have their will, to choose their own paths and accept what those choices bring into my life.

For me to hold any grudges only hurts me. The right thing to do is to forgive and heal. It is nobody’s fault that I hurt or that I feel anger in any way. It is only my own choice.

I have held people accountable for the way I feel for a very long time. It is not their choice nor is it their responsibility. The people I’m talking about are actually wonderful and loving people with their own lives to live and their own feelings to live with.

I am sorry from the depths of my soul for blaming others for anything that is my responsibility.

For more than three years I have been walking a path that has led me down a long and lonesome road that I believed was the road for me. Suddenly, I realized I was in an unfamiliar place with a long journey back to where I belong.

I am walking back to find the straight and narrow path, to grab the iron rod again and hold tight. If I can do it I can get back everything I have lost. And the truth is that I have lost it. It was not taken from me. I quit before the trial was over. It is not up to me to determine the timeline of this life. It is only up to me to do what is right within the circumstances of my life. I am so looking forward to coming back, no matter what it takes or how long it takes.




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