What do the Democrats actually believe?

I don’t really know for sure, I’m not sure they know for sure either, but I found this today and there is always a bit of truth in humor. Take a look and have a laugh.

Reposted from Ghostnote.net

22 WAYS TO BE A LOYAL DEMOCRAT

1. You have to be against capital punishment of murderers, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that governments create prosperity by spending tax money.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iranians and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there would be no art without Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that natural changes in the earth’s climate have nothing to do with global temperatures.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that National Public Radio gives a fair and balanced presentation of the news.
8. You have to believe that there would be no teachers and professors if schools had the ability to fire them for incompetence.
9. You have to believe that ranchers, farmers and hunters don’t care about nature, but activists who have never been outside of an urban area do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem comes from talking about it, and not from doing things.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 Million of his own money to make ‘The Passion of the Christ’ for financial gain.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
18. You have to believe that a President who preyed on a 20 year-old intern in the White House, then lied about it to the American people on national TV, deserves to be a beloved hero of our country.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying transvestites in drag and bestiality are a proud sign of our diversity, and that all Christmas displays on public property should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government was ok because it served the best interest of the United States.
21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast right wing conspiracy.
22. You have to believe that it’s OK to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas, but it’s not OK to say ‘Merry Christmas’.

What’s wrong with people?

I was at Shopko Saturday. I got out of the car and some chump walks up to me, “hey bro, me and my buddy just ran out of gas and we’re trying to get to Ogden…”.

I cut him off and laughed. I just said, “no man, not the gas story.”

I turned and walked away and I heard a little nervous laughter out of him and he kind of mumbled, “yeah, but it’s true.”

Then today I was driving with E to the credit union and saw some jackass get out of his car and punch the driver side window of another car. The driver rolled his window down and kindly allowed this hard-on to give him a nice little rap in the side of the head too. Then the guy got back in his car. I was blown away by this and as we proceeded down the road Erica was just shaking her head asking, “what in the hell is wrong with people?”

At the next intersection I had a green light and needed to turn left. Traffic was stopped completely because of captain road rage and cars were waiting in the intersection but gave me room to turn. So I made the left and another car was making a right hand turn in the opposite direction. Well this choad decided it would be a good idea to lay on his horn and show me and everyone in the intersection what a tiny little weiner he has. I laughed at him and just and just to oblige his request I completely stopped, making him wait and get more and more frustrated.

He had to wave his arms around like he was king big turd so I laughed and waved my arms back then turned into the credit union. He pulled into the McDonalds across the street and his two circle jerk partners got out of the car with him to walk across the street and confront me. So, I walked around the car to approach them and just said, “what the hell is wrong with you people?”

The guys said something like, “you turned right in front of me!”.

I pointed to the intersection, where the cars were still at a complete stop and said, “did you see traffic stopped?”.

They didn’t have much to say, I think they were just surprised I wasn’t backing down. They just stood there looking incredulous so I pounded my chest a couple times and barked at them then said, “do you feel better now?”

They just turned and walked back over to McDonalds to finish their circle jerk and I heard one guy mumble, “pussy.”

I think they felt superior and they sure showed me, didn’t they?

Lord, people are uptight. What is wrong with this world?

Burned out, broke and bored

Some days I feel so burned out on life. I sit in my cubicle typing and thinking and answering questions and giving people advice to things that a little common sense might provide to them on their own and I ask myself, “what’s in it for me?” The only answer I can come up with is that I need this salary so I can continue to support my kids. I don’t have much for myself, I live like a pauper (except that I have an empty apartment with borrowed furniture) and my ex-wife gets most of my dough for herself. I’m in debt, I’m bored and I’m tired of all this bullshit.

I’m not depressed. I’m actually quite happy most of the time, it’s just that I don’t see a lot that I look forward to. That’s why I say I’m bored rather than depressed. I can laugh and I can enjoy the moment but the mountain of debt I have and the burden of all this bullshit alimony and child support just takes away my ability to live my life as a single man. How could I ever support another family if I can barely squeak by on my own? That’s what lawyers are for.

We are in litigation right now, I suppose I have that to look forward to. She doesn’t need alimony. She started working after the divorce was final and she brings home more than I pay her in alimony. Do the math, alimony goes bye-bye. Yipee! I’m looking forward to that little bump in salary.

All the things I expected in life have changed. I feel lost sometimes, like I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next because I always expected to be Captain Family Man with a wife and kids by my side at all times. Now I find myself in the single man’s world with a girlfriend and a lot of unknowns about my future. Will I stay with her? Will we move on? Will she break my heart? Will I break hers? Will her I get maimed in a horrible knitting accident and live the remainder of my days on plastic tubing, breathing through a hole in my neck? If I were brain dead that might not be such a bad thing. At least then I could probably comprehend my ex’s motivation since we would then have become intellectual equals.

A case of the Mondays

Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you’re not feelin’ real well, does anyone ever say to you, ‘Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays’?

No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ something like that, man.

Adrenaline, wicker and mild retardation

I arrived home tonight and there the neighbor kids are, standing in the grass beating each other with a wicker cane. You know the kind…you saw it used on Michael Fay years ago. Remember the moron who vandalized Sri Lanka and was punished with a wicker beating in public? That kind of wicker cane.

So, I walked upstairs and watched for a while through my blinds as these brain surgeons took turns slapping one another across the torso. Of course I wanted to take my turn but would have probably been taken to jail for battery. It was only a couple minutes that I got to watch until it ended abruptly with one of them lying on the ground gasping for air after a shot to the solar plexes. It was a good and meaty smiting too, I could almost feel it myself and I’m sure it broke the skin…at least I hope so.

There were children present who witnessed this fine example of responsible and friendly play. They will likely remember this for a lifetime and hopefully repeat it, and raise the stakes for other unsuspecting onlookers.

Oh the experiences of youth…and the suffering of stupidity.